It’s been a while since we had a Mabel post, mostly because she’s been living with my parents for the last three months while we try to sell our house. And for the most part, she’s been good. But yesterday my mother got a taste of Mabel at her most mischievous (see either Mom’s Facebook post or the asterisked items below), so I deemed it time for the long-awaited and ever-growing List of Things Mabel Has Eaten (or at least partially digested/mostly destroyed). Drum roll, please…
Roll of dental floss
Two sticks of butter
Tube of sunscreen
15 24-hour Zyrtec tablets. At once.
Three tablespoons of Hydrogen Peroxide to expel the Zyrtec. It works.
*A full pack of Trident Layers gum and a partial pack of Orbit gum. At once.
*1/3 cup Hydrogen Peroxide to expel all the gum. (We’re getting good at the expelling process.)
1-pound bag of candy corn (expelled on its own, thank goodness.)
Countless items of clothing, blue jeans included
A baby blue bird
A cockroach – ok, more than one. The one I refer to is the one she skewered onto her bottom front tooth and walked around with it dangling over her lip before finally catching a clue and swallowing it.
The Star of Bethlehem from the Advent calendar
A used SOS pad/scrubber – lavender scented, no less.
A locust. Ugh. Make that two locusts.
Numerous pencils, crayons and ink pens
Seed sprouts of various herbs that I was planning to give as Easter gifts to my coworkers. She ate peat pots and all.
A Mass card commemorating the 25th Anniversary of Ordination of Rev. David Richter (Nice one, Mabel. Can you say “Purgatory?”)
Aaron’s homework (only once). Yes, really.
Partially composted vegetables
Two Pink Pearl erasers – the heavy duty school kind
Numerous neon pencil-top erasers
Pinecones. (I don’t care what you say, that’s hardcore! I’ve stepped on them and cried for my momma!)
Multiple LEGO pieces, but most notably a LEGO Bionicle mask. That was the move that made Aaron disown her. As in, he stood in the middle of the kitchen, fists balled, and declared in utter frustration, “VIC! She’s all yours now! I don’t want her anymore!!!” Moral of the story: Don’t mess with the man’s LEGOs.
Piece of M&M cookie cake
Fresh basil, oregano, parsley and dill. She literally stood and munched at my herb container as if it were her own private salad bar.
The edge of a tablecloth
Seventeen new rolls of toilet paper…and counting
Three rolls of paper towels.
A Kleenex box. A FULL Kleenex box. (What’s with all the paper goods??)
A washcloth and a hand towel (matching set)
The cardboard tube from a roll of wrapping paper. (We call them doop-de-doos.) Mom says she must like the glue that holds the roll together. Likely story…
The tail off of a stuffed monkey. (Poor fella)
The butt of a stuffed eagle. (These are toys, not hunting keepsakes, in case you were wondering about our décor.)
A formerly-live-something with a leg. (I only saw the foot hanging out of her mouth. I told her to drop it and she did…dropped it right down her own throat. I turned green.)
My Hogwarts-inspired Halloween treat bag from our 2011 office Halloween party. It was the book cover of The Tales of Beedle the Bard and was a perfect keepsake. Was…
Dirt. This she has in common with Mason. Those two aren’t right.
A 6-oz baggie of deer jerky – made with Dom’s SPICY marinade. She hung out at the water bowl for quite a while afterward.
More of my coffee than I care to admit, and probably more than I know about.
A drawn-to-scale paper cutout of my bar.
Half an orange. A really sweet, juicy orange that I wasn’t finished with yet.
Spaghetti from Olive Garden, the leftovers of which were to be Dom’s lunch the next day.
Yummy Earth Organic lollipops. She actually removes the wrapper first.
Rabbit droppings. I never said she was classy.
More than her fair share of Southern Maid donuts. Nothing makes the kids madder than a donut thief.
Two baby garden snakes.
Four ketchup containers from Whataburger. She prefers to eat these on the carpet behind the sofa.
Speaking of my sofa, she ate just the corner of one of my throw pillows. Now my placement of them has to be quite precise.
At least Mason kept it simple. He ate expensive things, but he was selective in his chewing. Three sofas, seven remote controls, six pair of shoes and the handle of our recliner just about sums up his list, and he was done with it all by the time he turned three.
It’s a good thing Mabel’s cute. Some days, it’s the only thing that saves her.
Rebecca Hamilton said:
You are one awesome woman!!!
Lori Mainiero said:
Back atcha!! 🙂
Jessica R. said:
Now that is an impressive and expensive list.
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