Ya Know, Some Days Ya Just Gotta Laugh

Elaine and I have a saying: We can’t make this stuff up! Case in point: my home voice-mail message today, from a fellow mom whom I have never met. She is organizing a back-to-school party for one of my children’s classes. She sounded sweet when she introduced herself to my answering machine, stated her purpose for calling, and then offered that I could call her back to let her know if I wanted to bring brownies or coke or something. Nevermind that she didn’t state when the party will be. But the really fun part was at the end, when she thought she had hung up the phone and continued talking, but in a much less sweet, more sarcastic voice, “…or let me know if you’re just gonna friggin’ show up!”

Doesn’t that just make me wanna bake all night and go party down with that crew!!!! Hmmm. I think we’re busy that day.

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In Search of Truth (The fight is on with the FDA!)

I haven’t blogged in a while, but I haven’t been far away. In fact, the last two weeks have found me inundated in internet research on – of all things – additives, preservatives and artificial colors.

It all started the second day of our staycation, when we met with the school counselor to discuss Victoria’s standardized test scores (which were fine, BTW) and learned that they (the counselor and teachers) feel that Vic displays ADHD tendencies.

You can imagine my state of mind once that was brought to my attention!

I suppressed my truest thoughts and attitudes for the limited duration of the meeting, not wanting to be in denial if a problem truly existed, but utterly convinced that nothing good had come of this entire year in Second Grade, and now we had wrapped it all up nicely and tied it with a big black bow. Let me assure you, suppressing my words and thoughts did me no good in the end. I was in my doctor’s office within the week convinced I was relapsing with shingles. I should have just let it all out in the counselor’s office.

Those who know me best will vouch for the fact that I am pretty much anti-medication. Unless I understand that a condition will WORSEN without meds, I can summon the strength to do without them. So I was intrigued by the school counselor’s mention of changes in diet that can sometimes subdue these ADHD symptoms.

I must say at this point, denial or not, that I am not in the least little bit convinced that my child has ADHD. I have researched it to the point of going blind! However, I have known her to demonstrate some behaviors that stress teachers out if they don’t have a handle on who the adult is in the classroom, and I have since learned that these behaviors are indeed attributable in many cases to our foods.

My mom says I went overboard. If that’s true, then I’m still in the water. Instantly upon my research quest, I stumbled upon the dangers of preservatives and certified artificial colors. Did you know that the “certified artificial colors” in our foods (like Yellow 6, Blue 1, Red 40 and so on) can trigger hyperactivity much more so than sugar? And look at the reputation we’ve given poor defenseless sugar over the years. In fact, Victoria even informed me several times this year, “Mommy, I shouldn’t eat that dessert because sugar makes me hyper!” to which I would casually respond, “That’s a load of bull,” and serve her the cake. All joking aside, any hyperactivity she displayed was more likely the result of the certified artificial colors in snack foods. The neon Goldfish crackers, the strawberry-flavored milk, the fruit roll-ups. They are everywhere! And not only will they increase the hyperactivity, but they are made from petroleum, and often contain amounts of lead, mercury and arsenic that can alter our DNA. Of course, you say, consumption would have to be pretty significant, right? When you consider that these colors are in about 90% of kid-friendly snack foods, just based on what was in my pantry, then I’d have to say the consumption factor is more than met. If you do the research, these “colors” make High Fructose Corn Syrup look like an angel. As it turns out, HFCS is just hyped-up sugar, and will just make us fat faster. Duhhh.

Did you further know that Australia, Canada and the UK insist on higher quality ingredients in their foods? McDonald’s strawberry sundae syrup, for instance, gets its color from Red 40 in the United States. In the UK, McD’s makes the syrup with real strawberries – NO Red 40 – all because the country insists on it. I feel incredibly duped as an American, and I attribute this disappointment to the FDA. Makes me want even more to join Jamie Oliver’s Food Revolution!!!

It took under an hour to rid my pantry of every food with suspect ingredients. We can now, for the first time in probably 8 years, see 75% of the back wall of our pantry – that’s how much food I evicted. The top shelf is practically empty. And I am in serious need of a trip to the grocery store.

Which is what leads me to my “highest level of pissed-ivity” against the FDA. I noticed in my reading that the FDA’s stance is always that “there are no studies which concretely confirm” all the harm that these ingredients can cause us. Nothing to substantiate, eh? I suppose it wouldn’t do any good to substantiate the claims against these products when it would take a fortune to turn our consumerism around, to make the foods with higher quality (and more costly) ingredients, or to – at the very least – RESEARCH the long-term effects of this crap. So basically, if you never test it, then you can’t be held accountable for the damage it has caused? Is that not a noticeable trend in our society? Pardon me, but I’m of the mindset that if it MIGHT hurt me, then it probably WILL, so why go there?!! It’s the same reason I don’t consume anything with saccharin. “Causes cancer in laboratory animals.” And you want to put it in my food?!!!

But then again, people still smoke despite the warning on the package. I get it. I understand the “it’s too big for me to fight by myself” attitude. I have felt that way too at times during the past two weeks. It feels monstrously overwhelming. Until I look at my kids – these little humans that are my responsibility for the next decade. I can’t feed them that stuff anymore. Not knowing what I know now. I have not gotten much support from other moms in my crusade against these ingredients. I’ve heard everything from, “Well, something’s going to kill us, we might as well eat and be happy,” to “Maybe I’m a bad mom, but I just don’t care what’s in the food.” O……M……G…… Does it have to be only at the suggestion of a medical malfunction that we will admit the benefit of determined change? Isn’t it then too late??

And then…

Getting ready to go to the grocery store, I decided to do further research last night on the naughty-list preservatives, since my research had been so focused on the food colorings. But lo and behold, when I started my search on BHT I was directed to preservatives in cosmetics. WHAAAAA????????!!!!!! Turns out, all the crap I’m trying to avoid in our food is in my makeup, my shampoo, body lotions, sunscreens, and on and on and on… Not only are there preservatives to worry about, but parabens, known carcinogens and chemicals known to cause reproductive problems and hormonal imbalances lurk in literally every kind of product we use. I wash my hair every day with a shampoo containing carcinogenic ingredients. I’ve used this shampoo for five years. My daily facial regimen is even under attack, as my beloved Mary Kay products contain these awful ingredients.

I have to wonder…. Since you can’t go two degrees of separation without finding someone affected by cancer, since the miscarriage rate is so high, since so many of our friends have had fertility issues, since kids are popping up everywhere with ADD and ADHD…can you do any of this research and not see a connection? We comment all the time that our ancestors didn’t have all the ailments we have today. Are our products and our dependency on them killing us, killing our dreams??

There is hope. And help. I found three beneficial information sites and I am grateful they exist: The Center for Science in the Public Interest, Paraben-Free Princess, and Skin Deep, the Cosmetics Safety Database.

No, I can’t possibly undertake the job of stripping my entire home of these harmful chemical ingredients…not all at once. Food is my first step. After that I can focus on one beauty product at a time, finding a suitable replacement until I have eliminated to the best of my ability the ingredients that I deem unsafe for my family and our future. And maybe I’ll have the beauty products under control by the time Vic starts wearing makeup.

If you have travelled this road already, let me know.  If you have information that disputes the ideas I have shared here, let me know that too.  I am on a quest for truth…

…for all of us.

It’s Tuesday….Er, Make That Wednesday…

This week has flown! We have had something going on every day or night since Saturday, and it is starting to wear me down. I think today may be my breaking point. And here’s why.

Tomorrow is the last day of school. Yay, right? Except today is Honors Assembly for Aaron and Splash Day for Victoria. I thought I was going to miss half of my work day, which I would do for my kids, but as it turns out, nothing went as I planned.

First, I was absolutely convinced that the Honors Assembly would begin at 9:00 a.m. today. I found out at 8:15 that it was to start at 8:30. Having forgotten my camera at home and backtracking to fetch it, I managed to swing into the school parking lot at 8:35. I walked into the auditorium right as Aaron was being called to the stage for his AB Honor Roll award. No time to get the camera out, and I missed the opportunity to revel in his success! Feeling like a complete failure in the presence of the stay-at-home moms who create daily magic on the school campus and have musical and academic prodigies for children, I decided to stay through Victoria’s honors assembly, even though I knew she wouldn’t be called for any awards. She was pleased that I was there, and that Mimi and Papa were on hand to take pictures with her. So that made me happy. But then I get a note from the counselor that we need to meet to discuss her standardized test scores next week…during my vacation…on the morning of my anniversary…at 8:00 a.m.! Ick.

Victoria has had a rough year, and it has been equally hard on me and Dom as we tried to help her navigate the unnecessarily rough terrain of Second Grade. So when the school secretary called me at 11:00 to say Victoria needed her towel for Splash Day at 12:00, I was just beside myself. My dear friend Mickey offered to run home and grab a towel to save me the drive all the way to my own house, since the school is just 6 minutes from my office. Dear, sweet Mickey! So I am off to the school, for the third time today. And I truly feel that this is just a rough day, and that we love our school and our teachers very much, because they care enough to meet with us on their vacation too to make sure we are prepared for the next first day of school.

Happy Summer.

Victoria: Like it or lump it!

You always know where you stand with Victoria. She is honest to a fault, and readily admits her shortcomings. And she is not one to butter you up just to get something she wants. Relationships with Victoria have to be honest or she is not interested in them. She has begun to have a rough time with her teacher lately. We have heard Vic complain that her teacher does not smile, and always seems unhappy. Trying to give the teacher the benefit of the doubt, my mother suggested that Victoria make the teacher smile each day by greeting her with, “Good morning, Mrs. __! I hope you have a great day today!”

Victoria eyed my mother for a short time, and then dryly said, “I just don’t think I can do that.”

Victoria: Temporary Tattoo

At dinner the other night, I glimpsed ink-penned words on Victoria’s forearm. As I imagined her writing her spelling words on her arm, or something equally deviant, I sharply asked what in the world she had written. Her explanation made perfect sense given the situation of the past couple of weeks…Victoria had been reporting to me that she received conduct marks for other people talking in class. Not for one second believing she was innocent, I would tell her each time that other people talking when they are not supposed to does not giver her the right to talk. “But Mommy, I’m telling them not to talk to me, and then I get in trouble!!” To which I would reply, “DO NOT TALK if you are not supposed to!!” So as she lifted her arm to show me this temporary tattoo, I saw for myself her attempt to heed the rules: she had written, “TALK TO THE ARM!”

Kindergarten Graduation Picture by Victoria

So this is the picture for Victoria’s Kindergarten Graduation. I have shared this story with so many people… now I share the picture and the story together. When Victoria went to school the morning of these pictures, her hair was “styled” in a partial pony-tail, possibly with a ribbon or bow, since I was told ahead of time that no “caps” would be worn in these cap-and-gown pictures.

I had no idea any other adornments were on her person to be memorialized in photos. BUT APPARENTLY, we should have named her Victoria Stealth, because the “jewelry” seen in this picture was sneaked onto campus in her backpack. On the evening that these proofs came home, I anxiously examined them and was at first struck by how professional she seemed to look. My thoughts lingered momentarily on her hairstyle, but since it looked nice, I didn’t dwell. But, she’s wearing a necklace, isn’t she? What is that neckace? Is it a choker? It looks so familiar…I’ve seen it before. It’s not mine. Was it a gift from someone? No. Where do I know that necklace from?!! Why, wait a minute…it’s not a necklace…it’s all coming to me now…it’s…it’s…IT’S A TOY DOG COLLAR FROM BUILD-A-BEAR WORKSHOP!!!!!!!!!!!!!! VICTOOOOOORIAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I was instantly furious, but by morning, I found the whole thing hysterically amusing. The bracelet on her arm is her ponytail holder. And, as several friends pointed out, she does accessorize quite well. 😉

Webkinz

Last night as we were preparing for bedtime, Victoria informed me that ALL of her classmates have “webkins” and she must have one too! We discussed what Webkins are (since I did not know) and I told her that she has a birthday coming up and that might be a perfect time to seek such a toy. Besides, who are ALL these people with webkins? “Everybody in my class!”

“Like who? Give me names.” She proceeded to name three kids. Out of the 21 who ALL supposedly have webkins, we narrowed it down to three who actually have them.

Fast forward twelve hours. We are preparing to leave for school; Dom has already arrived at work and calls to tell me that there is an accident on my route and to plan a little extra time. I weigh the options of going the usual way, or finding an alternate route to avoid the hassle. I tell the kids that we are probably going to go a different way to school, and that it might take us a little longer than usual. (They are BIG backseat drivers, so I try to give them the gameplan early – saves them from freaking out when I take an unexpected turn.)

As we drive, however, I determine that our original route is unblocked, and we proceed as usual. Still stuck on “it might take longer to get to school,” Victoria complains that all her friends will already be at school by the time she arrives. Oh, please. I ask, “Who will already be there?” She replies, “ALL my friends! Everybody!”

With as much sarcasm as I have ever heard him use, Aaron asks, “Who?! Those three kids who have webkins??!!!”

Reading with Grandmama

Aaron has reading goals now that he has started Kindergarten, so Grandmama set aside some books on her bookshelf for Aaron’s enjoyment. Grandmama was letting Aaron read to her tonight when Aaron started losing interest in the activity. He wanted Grandmama to read more and more of the pages, so Grandmama said she couldn’t see the words, in order to make him read it instead. He jumped up and left the room. Grandmama said, “Are you going to the potty?” He replied, “No, I’m going to get your glasses!”