For some, Christmas is over. For our family and slightly over a billion other Catholics, Christmas has four more days to go. I have taken some of our more memorable moments of the last few days and compiled them into the Mainiero Twelve Days of Christmas. Disclaimer: The conversations shared here may or may not be verbatim, but convey no less than I heard, at any rate. They are also not dated with any precision, since we are technically only on Day 8.
Somebody crank the harmonica, would ya?
On the First Day of Christmas my true love said to me…
“I’ve made an executive decision.”
“Seriously? You do recall that the last time you made an executive decision and announced it in such grandiose fashion we ended up with Mabel, riiiiiiight??”
On the Second Day of Christmas, my dear son, with Christmas money burning a hole in his pocket, said to me…
“Hey, Mom…can you take me to WalMart so I can get this Lego set I want?”
“Dude… on the day after Christmas, you want to go to WalMart? December 26th…the pinnacle of wretched retail returns…really?? Puh-leeze!!” I huffed…
And then promptly took my children to WalMart.
On the Third Day of Christmas, my mother said to me…
“Let’s clean out Victoria’s room while I’m at your house today.”
“Sure. Then we’ll clean out my washing machine and dryer filters.”
Ironically, neither of us was kidding. Equally amazing, we found a movie gift card lodged in the dryer filter, and it still had a balance.
On the Fourth Day of Christmas, my children said to me…
“Hey Mom, since we found that movie gift card…” (don’t you love inappropriate use of the word “WE?”) “…can we go see a movie today?”
“What do you want to see?”
On the Fifth Day of Christmas, my children said to me…
“Hey, when are you going to the grocery store again?”
“You want food? Take my car. And some books to sit on. One of you steer and one of you work the pedals. Kroger is that direction.”
On the Sixth Day of Christmas, the rabbits said to me…
“Hey, lady!! It’s freakin’ cold out here in the garage since you left the bloomin’ door open all night. Bring us in, would ya?”
“It’s 6 a.m. Curl your furry little cottontails up into a ball and snuggle down in all that expensive bedding we buy you to pee on.”
“If you don’t come down and let us in, we’re going to thump our back feet so loud you’ll think the house is falling down around you.”
And so they did. And so we did. The rabbits were in the kitchen by 6:15.
On the Seventh Day of Christmas, I said to those damn rabbits…
“It’s 60 degrees again. Out you go.”
On the Eighth Day of Christmas, my daughter said to me,
“Mimi wants to know if I can spend the night with her so that the fireworks don’t keep me awake tonight. Can I? Can I? Pleeeeeeeeeeease???”
“Did Mimi ask you, or did you ask Mimi?”
“Does it matter?”
On the Ninth Day of Christmas, I heard my daughter say…
Quite excitedly as she was assisting her dad in cleaning out the fireplace…
“Hey, Daddy, can this be my job EVERY year??”
Rock on, right? I may loan her out.
On the Tenth Day of Christmas, I said to AMC…
“For the love of everything holy, WHYYYYYYYYYYYY are gift cards to your theaters sold in Shreveport, Louisiana when there is not an AMC theater in a 200-mile radius of us???!!!!!”
“’Oops??’ I’ve been gifted with $50 of worthless movie cards. That is, unless my husband and I pass up fourteen other theaters and spend three times that in gas to go see a movie in Dallas.”
“We can refund you for the gift card values. You’ll have a check in 5-8 weeks.”
On the Eleventh Day of Christmas, I confessed to the Hubster…
“Um, honey…I think that movie card I picked up for your office party was an AMC card too. Tell whoever got it they can call for a refund.”
I got The Look.
On the Twelfth Day of Christmas my daughter said to me…
“Will you help me give Marsha a bath and clip her nails? She really needs it, and I just know she’ll be good in the sink. I’ll hold her still.”
And wouldn’t ya know? That’s just exactly how I wanted to spend the last of the holiday – giving the rabbit a Spa Day. 😉
I hope your family had a magical Christmas celebration, and that the magic continues throughout the year.